I sit in this muck at the bottom of a very muddy hole. It doesn’t give me any joy. I can’t see anything around me. I look up and see an empty sky in the shape of a circle. I have been trying to claw my way out of this hell-hole for too long. All I can grip is the slippery mud that makes up the entirety of the hole.
I don’t actually remember how I got into this hole, but I’ve been here for too long. I know that this is a very muddy area and it’s easy to slip into the hole, but I don’t remember the way into the hole.
I look up again from my sitting position and see a figure. I cast my eyes down. I don’t want to see Him. I know who it is.
“Are you ready to come up?” I hear Him call down to me. I cross my arms tightly and ignore Him.
His voice is soft and gentle. “Aren’t you tired, My child?” My arms go limp at the realization of how tired I am.
I look up at Him again. An ache in my heart surfaces that I didn’t know was there, but it produces a longing for Him. I bow my head down again.
“Aren’t you thirsty?” He asks lovingly. I look around at the disgusting, dirty puddles.
Tears begin to leak out of my closed eyes. “So very thirsty.” I whisper in a cracked voice.
The ache in me is growing. I don’t want to be here anymore. I don’t want to struggle like this anymore. I want to be comforted. I want to be free. I want to be with Him.
I look up slowly. Tears stream down my face. He reaches His hand into the pit again.
“Come.”
I unfold my arms and use them to push away from the slippery mud. As I stand, I reach up and grab His hand. It has been too long since I have felt His touch. It feels wonderful. Why did I ever let go?
As He pulls me all the way out of the pit, He steps back and allows me space. But the space feels too far so I step forward and embrace Him with all of my might.
“I’m sorry, Lord.” He carefully wraps His arms around my filthy body.
“Why did you let go, My child?” I look into His face and see that He had heard my thoughts. Of course He had, He’s omniscient. He grins a bit. I bury my head in His chest. My words are caught in my throat.
“I…think” I begin testing my voice. “I think...I was listening to lies.” I manage to squeak out. He strokes my hair and kisses it.
“What is the truth?” I look up at Him. His question throws me off, but I ponder it.
“You.” I barely get out one word before it is choked by emotion rising in my throat. He holds me tightly. “You are always there for me.”
“Yes.” He affirms.
“You have the best in mind for me.” I continue.
“Yes.”
“You do not cause my pain, but you allow it.”
“Yes.”
I pull myself back from His grip a little. “But then you can allow other pain into my life. I can suffer more.” I admit with defeat and again bury my head in His chest.
He tightens His grip. “Oh, My child. I’m always here for you. Even if you’re suffering and struggling, which will happen, I’m here. I will never leave you or forsake you. You will never be going through life alone.” I tilt my head up a little, but still buried. He puts His finger under my chin and tilts my head farther up to look into my eyes.
“I have the greatest plans for you. These plans are for your well-being and not for your harm. My plans give you a hope and a future.”
I close my eyes and let the tears fall. He removes His finger and pulls my face close to His. He whispers in my ear. “My child, you have forgotten hope. You need hope.”
“I’ve forgotten how to hope, Lord.” I cry.
I am your hope. Put your hope in Me. You will seek Me and find me when you search for Me with all of your heart.”
He kisses my cheek and puts His arms around me again.
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