Love One Another

"I'm sick of this!" I shout angrily. "I feel like we have this conversation every week and it goes nowhere."

He stares at me blankly. I can't read him.

"Ugh! I growl as I storm off to our room.

I flop down on the bed on my back and stare at the ceiling.

Ugh! How could he do this to me? He doesn't even seem to care. You think he would get the hint after the first two or three conversations. No. It's going on more like twelve conversations about this.

I yank out my hair tie and fiddle with it between my thumb and forefinger.

I hate him sooo much right now. Ugh! I can't even.

"Hate is a strong word, My child. Are you sure that you mean that?" God says in my heart.

Pondering this, I stop fiddling.

"Well, no. I don't hate him. I'm so mad at him though. I don't even want to be near him." I fiddle again angrily.

"You did use the word 'hate' though." He counters.

I sit up jarred by this thought.

"Do you really hate him?"

"Let me check something." I grab my phone beside me and Google the definition of hate.

Hate: feel intense or passionate dislike for (someone).

"Oh...with that definition...I hate him a lot of the time."

Blood fills my face and I toss my phone across the bed.

"Hmm."

"But I really love him." I protest.

"What do I say 'hate' is?"

"I suppose You would say it's the opposite of of love." I venture.

"Yes, and what about when you hate your brother?"

At the remembrance of the Scripture, I lower my head. "When I hate my brother it's not any different to You than murder."

"Mmm,hmm."

"I'm not a murderer." My head shoots up indignant.

"Let's look at this a different way. What do I say 'love' is?"

I grab my Bible from the nightstand and flip it open to 1 Corinthians 13:4-8.

"You say, 'Love is patient, love is kind, it is not jealous; love does not brag, it is not arrogant. It does not act disgracefully, it does not seek its own benefit; it is not provoked, does not keep an account of wrong suffered, it does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; it keeps every confidence, it believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.'"

"Are there any descriptions of love that you are not exemplifying?" He asks tenderly.

"I guess right now I'm not being patient or kind. Well,...and I'm keeping account of wrongs."

"Mmm, hmm."

"I..uh, I've been acting pretty disgracefully."

"Yes, My child."

"I'm definitely seeking my own benefit." I bow my head and continue reading. "I was provoked, or rather I allowed myself to be."

A heaviness weighs on my chest.

"I'm not really loving him at all. I failed."

"Hmm."

"There are like 18 things mentioned here and I'm maybe doing a few. That's a failing grade. I'm sorry, Lord."

"I'm glad you can acknowledge this."

"I don't know how to do all that, especially when I'm mad at him."

"That's exactly where I want you."

"Huh?"

"I give you what you need. Come to Me, all who are weary and burdened. I will give you rest. I am everything you need to be able to love your husband."

"If I say I love You, but hate my husband..."

"Exactly. I made both of you. I know you inside and out and I love you both dearly."

A long sigh escapes me. "I need that reminder."

"If you tap into My love and receive it, you'll have more than enough for your husband."

"That's good to know."

"And if you tap into My heart, you'll hear how My heart beats for your husband. You'll see all of the potential I see in him and the great plans I have for his life-which is also your life."

"I'm sorry I've been choosing to run on empty. Help me to remember to tap into You."

"Rather, abide with Me as a branch to a vine. I will supply all your needs."

"I keep forgetting that. I will partner with You to love my husband as You love him."

"I love you. Receive My love."

The door opens and my husband peeks his head in.

"Can I come in?" He asks timidly.

"Yes." I say resolutely while patting the spot on the bed next to me.

We stare at the wall ahead of us and sit in silence.

"I'm sorry." We say in unison. Our eyes meet and smile creeps onto my face.

He starts again. "I'm sorry that I've been hard to love lately." He casts his eyes to the side.

I touch his hand and wait for him to look me in the eyes again.

"I'm sorry that I haven't been abiding in God's love to love you best."

We spend time talking through the issue and then pray together to purpose in our hearts to connect to the Vine that provides all our needs with which we are able to love one another.